The Little Things That Cause You to Miss the Mark (with Jeremy Hebets)

2026 1019 [04] Yoked Podcast 01: You need people around you that know you really well, inside and out, that can be like, hey, what's good, what's up with this? We've noticed you've been drinking a little too much lately. Hey, dude, what's going on? You put on some weight. Hey, you haven't been showing up at this thing. Hey, bro, I haven't seen you at the gym lately. Hey, I haven't. You need somebody to notice. Welcome to the Oak Podcast. I'm your host, Peter Alwin, and today we're talking about drift. It's these little things that cause the arrow to miss the mark. And so if you're on the front end of that and you want to know how to identify whether you're drifting, or if you're on the back end of that and you know that you are, you're not really sure how to correct course, stick around.

Welcome to another recording of the Yoked Podcast. I'm your host, Peter Alwood, and today, guest host, Jeremy Hebitts here. Co-host, main co-host, the co-host. Dude, good to be here. we've got several topics we want to cover. I think we'll maybe just scratch the surface on one of them today. Before we get into that, just a funny yoke story. Let's get it. I think we first printed some yoked hats. Melissa and I are walking through I don't know if it was Surf Comp, or something going on down at Doheny. And this guy walked up, he's like, You guys own a breakfast shop? And I go, What? He's like, Yeah, man, yoked. I go, Dude, yolk's got an L in it, right?

Like egg yolk. so I just thought it was really funny. I'm like, people don't know how to spell yoke. Yeah. So that's it. I don't that's not even that funny. okay. It's a good start though. Question for We could build from here though. That's the key. This is starting from the bottom. Starting from the bottom. I'm gonna scratch that out. Like, don't use that one again. Okay. Worst haircut, worst outfit. man. Who let that happen? can't be the hair it can't be a haircut. Or is this an older story? Well, I mean Or is that offensive? You've only known me like this. Okay, so you know, time has come where gravity's kicked in. Yeah. It's no longer here.

It's it's on my chest and on my back and all the weird places. I've never heard that before in my life. You're like the hair moved, it migrated south. It's on my back now. Gravity, man. It's it's a real thing. I just gotta say. It so it does something to the body. but mine was I have two two good ones. Okay. The hair. I you know, I used to have Do you remember Justin Taylor Thomas or I forgot JTT or whatever his name? Jonathan Taylor Thomas. That's it. He had the the butt cut, you know, where the hair would be like long. Okay. So I used to have long hair down to my shoulders. The center part. Yeah. And it like kicked out. And that's when I was like, I gotta get rid of this.

Yeah. And so I shaved it and bleached it. And then I went into bleach mode for a while. And I can't even envision you with bleached hair. Yep. A little picture and please stand up. Okay. That's exactly who I look like. And I was down in Mission Beach, walking the boardwalk, tank top, you know, a little little white tank top and muscle tee kind of thing. You wanted to call it wife beating. I did. Yeah, okay. I just did. I was gonna go there and I stopped, but then I did it. Sorry. Okay. Yeah. And and so I was walking down the street and like I I used to have baggy pants and like, you know Just you had to fold them and sag him. I would sag solo.

And and I thought I was the coolest guy. And I was walking down the beach and this guy was like, Yo, Slim Shady. And he's like, Yo, And then I'm just not paying attention. He's like, Yo, Marshall. And like he taps me, he's like, Yo, why aren't you listening to me? And I was like, I'm sorry. And he's like, Bro, give me your autograph. And I was like, I was like, what are you talking about? He's like, Don't do that to me. It's like just let's at least take a picture together. No way. And he wouldn't let me go. So I literally had to like sign a piece of paper and then like leave. No way, dude. Yeah. So he truly thought I was That's cr I can't envision this, dude.

You have pictures of this stuff? I I'll get it. I'll get it to you. We need it. Yeah. We need it immediately. This skinny little dude. Holy morrow, can you believe this, dude? I can't even imagine this. So got a story similar to this. It's not worse haircut outfit, but we're family and I were on a road trip. We're in Sedona. There's a street, you know, performer. He's juggling apples. It's this goofy thing where he's like juggling them and taking bites out of them while he's doing it. Kids are pretty mesmerized. And I gave my little guy, I think, or my youngest daughter, some cash to put in his bin. She does that and he's done. And he comes over, he goes, I know who you are.

And I'm like, I don't think so. He's like, bro, I know I know what we're doing here, but I I won't tell anybody. I don't want to like blow you up here, but I know who you are. I'm like, I don't I don't think so, dude. And he's like, You were in that one movie, and he pulls up a picture of an actor. I cannot remember his name right now. It's pretty ugly, dude. And he's like, This is you. And I'm like, It's not me. And now I'm offended. He's like, Whatever, man. And it He never let it go, dude. He thought for sure I was him. He didn't I didn't go as far as leaving an autograph, but it's just funny when people do that kind of stuff. But yeah, okay, Slim Shady.

Slim Shady. All right, bro. We got a new nickname for you. Yeah. well, dude, we're hopping in to a topic here that you had not you were pontificating about it, but you were you were you wanted to get into it. The little things that create the drift. Yeah. What does mean? What's drift? Man, I think one, it's it's r it's important for us to understand it's like the definition of sin. sin is missing the mark. Yeah. And and so when you shoot an arrow and and you know, that's a I don't even know what you call that, but it's archery term. Thank you. That's what I was trying to say. It's an archery term. And in that, like when you pull back the the bow and you launch the arrow.

Like that's not the beginning of the drift. It could start there, but it's as it goes, it it misses the mark. And so that that's what the first definition be called is missing the mark. And and I think about that in our faith. I think the about that in our own journey of formation is as we move into life, it's so easy to start to drift and let little excuses come in and and obligations, children's schedules. everything that can come in the way and that's one of the things that I was really sitting with is just one of my clients stories and and and and his story is not his story is very common to so many other stories that I've served and that is they got to the place where they've just they built things but now they have to kind of solve other deeper issues in their marriage or in their business or wherever it might have been they drifted so far and and that's where I was just left with s thinking about them.

And this one, I was just really thinking about like marriage in that and how important it is to allow the right tools in your marriage to really help you to to thrive. And and you know, adrift is as easy as like if you're married, one of the best things you can do is let your partner have control of your calendar. And that is I took a class called Families of a Christian Leader and I was surrounded, I was only a single dude in the class. Okay. And I and one, I was just, I just wanted to be prepared for when when my person comes. And so I'm sitting in this class, everyone was able to bring their spouses. And the we we studied about 30 different high profile people, that real stories that fell apart.

And these are people that came and gave their stories and and like so we learned the whole story of the person. But it's so subtle. These subtle moments were the pieces that made the the drift begin. And because they never really solved that first one, it just kept drifting and drifting and drifting. And then that's what caused them to have an affair. That's what caused them to get a divorce. That's what caused them to have resentment toward each other. And and how do you get past that? And I think that that's something that I've just really wrestled with is how do we how do or Do we realize that with drift comes distance with your your main target that you want?

And I don't know. I think drift when you when we drift, so much can happen in our life. But I'll come back to this, but I wanna I'm gonna put it back towards you a little bit. Like tell me a little bit about drifting for you. Yeah. I was just seeing your analogy of like you've got you're an expert marksman, you release the arrow, it's right on. proper trajectory. And then the drift is like a little puff of air that starts to push that arrow off its, you know, trajectory, and then it eventually mis misses the mark. But the mark's way out there. And so it's a good metaphor for life because it's like this client you're talking about, it didn't happen overnight.

I don't even know who this is, but married over the course of probably 10 or 20 years. And it just man, just little puffs of air, right? That were in the way that started to just push it a little bit off course. Yeah. We've all heard that analogy of like a a plane that's flying from, you know, somewhere in America to Hawaii or Australia and it's one degree off course and then where it ends up in Antarctica or somewhere, right? It's like just a little bit off. And so but this is like not even that. It's like, no, no, when we left we were on track. Yeah. And then along the way little things happened. And we lost our first love. Yeah. And I don't know about you.

I've you know, I I'm a I'm forty f forty four now. And and so I have a lot of friends that got married young. Mm-hmm. And and I hear these stories of like marriage is supposed to be this thing where you you grow together. Yeah. And you you keep your mission together. And I see that like sometimes drift happens when we lose our focus of like keeping like letting our mission be stay clear. Yeah. And it can evolve, but do you s keep that as a priority? And and I think that's part of like, you know, we we were talking about the stat that we're, you know, we don't know if it's fully true or not, but that marriages that pray every day, they have a one percent divorce rate.

Yeah, less than one percent. Yeah. And that's just insane. But if that's true, like it makes sense why. Yeah. Because you're you're staying in tune to your creator. And and how incredible that is. That that's what we're we're meant to do. And I think there's this connection of missing the mark of sin and then grieving. And sometimes I think we like grief in the sense of like grieving the spirit of God. This this innate thing that is like around us, in us, and for us, that has the ability to bring us into this life that's just Full of adventure and purpose and significance and and significance in the way that we are designed to show it to the world.

But yet we can grieve that. And that's the same thing. Grief, like when we grieve our our the Spirit of God or we miss the mark, I think it can be the same in a manner if we're gonna speak figure like figuratively, yeah. Of like that's what missing the mark is in life, is like. We we're just missing the fullness of what we're what we can have. And and grieving is the same thing. We're grieving this opportunity. But if you keep grieving that, or if you keep missing this opportunity to engage the spirit of God, you're gonna continue to go into a place where yeah, you're not gonna be happy. Yeah. Yeah, you're not gonna have a life that's full. Yeah, you're gonna have a life that has a lot of walls.

And yeah, you're gonna have a life that's filled with a lot of disappointments versus these opportunities that get to form us and create us and and breathe newness into us. And if you asked me twenty years ago even, would you be doing what you're doing now, I'd say you're smoking crack, dude. And and that's because of like my trajectory in life was going such a different direction. Mm-hmm. And and that's when like it was even more than twenty years ago now, but like it was just going such a different direction. And then God came into my life. Yeah. And that started a journey of like course correcting and then just getting hungry for this. But there's still moments where like I I mess up, but how do I refocus?

How do I get back into that? And I think that that's the drift that can happen. And how do we allow ourselves to have the community, have the people that kind of pull us back into this alignment? And and do we really have the right people in our life? Or are the people keep kind of pulling us to it? to to drift versus like encouraging us to stay on course. Bro, I could talk about this forever. But real quick, talk about define grieving the spirit. Yeah. So I would consider like definition of grieving the spirit is It's like a healthy way to say it. It's it's when you do something that's not in alignment with your greatest purpose. So it could be subtle, it could be extreme.

So a subtle one could even be you're getting this nudge to to encourage someone and you don't. That could be a subtle one. it could also be on the other side, I looked at something too long. Yeah. like a a a woman that was beautiful on my thread, I stared too long or it went back. Yeah. Right. And like my mind went from seeing her as a a daughter of God to an object. Mm-hmm. And that would grieve the purpose of like what that woman ha was created to be. Yeah. And and so it's it's objectifying things versus like seeing the beauty of things. Yeah. So I think I think if I'm gonna define grieving it's it's turning what the intent was and and shifting the purpose.

And I think that's a subtle way to say a grief, grieving the spirit. the reason I asked you is cause it's like, first of all, I think it's like it is like kinda like a squishy thing and hard to define. and some people have never even heard it. I also feel like it's like to me, it is almost like your your flag goes up. My my mentor us always say like your flag's up. Like you felt like something was off there. Yeah. And you know what's the scariest thing is when it stops going up. Mm. It's not even grief anymore. Yeah. And that's when you've become numb to it. Yeah. Like that to me is the scariest. Yeah. It's when you don't even care anymore. Right?

Yeah. And it's like when you're in like the grip of the enemy, if you want to s over spiritualize it or spiritualize it. And so so for you, someone who is feeling the drift and they're on the front end, they're not the client yet. We'll talk about that in a minute. They're at the front end of it and they're starting to feel like something's starting to get a little squishy. Yeah. What do they do? Like how do you identify that? And then what do you do about it? Yeah, that's a great question. how do you how do you catch that you're in drift? I think part of that is, you know, first that you have to give yourself opportunities to experience or sorry, how how you can identify when you're in drift is how what do you do when you first wake up?

What's your attitude like? What's your attitude like when you're going to bed? What's your what is your lifestyle that you're living? Your lifestyle that you're living will dictate a lot and it communicates a lot. Are you, do you notice you're numbing a lot? Do you notice that you're avoiding? Do you notice that you're just going to entertainment versus versus just this place of contemplation or this place of of just examining like how clear are you are is your mission in life? Do you even have one? Like a lot of people don't. You know, I remember that I John Maxwell said this one day. I was listening to him. I think he he was speaking at a church I was at, and he said, he's talking about mission.

And like you should be able to write it down write write your d write your mission statement down with a pencil until you get so good at it that you can write it with a pen. And I was like, that's good. So I started to, and he's like, keep it simple. One sentence, maybe two. But try to keep it within one sentence. So I wrestled with that. Mine is to release life into others. And so once I had that, that gave me my guiding post. But like, do we have that? and I think that that's one that I don't think a lot of people do. Yeah. But what about what about you? What what do you think? Where does drift come into people's life? and how do you see it come in?

How do how do you prepare people for that? Drift is so insidious. You know, you think about The original sin. You think about the first questioning in the Bible in Genesis. We're going through a Genesis study right now. This is probably why it's on the forefront of my mind. And what did what did the serpent say? Surely you won't die. Did he really say? Did he really say? Surely you won't die. It's just this really subtle thing. This is why I always say, like, Devil doesn't show up with like pitchfork and horns, man. It actually look probably looks really sexy, really fascinating, really appealing. Just slightly off center, just a little bit, right?

And so that's what's so interesting about it, it's because it's subtle. And I've always said it's really slippery. It's a really slippery thing. It's like you're getting on this slide and then all of a sudden, you know, you're on this wild ride that you didn't prepare for, and it's 20 story slide and it's way steep and you can't slow it down. And so I think, you know, you talked about Jeremy earlier about who you're surrounded with. And this is why I think for guys particularly, but women need this just as much. You need people around you that know you really well, inside and out, that can be like, hey, what's good, what's up with this? We've noticed you've been drinking a little too much lately.

Hey, dude, what's going on? You put on some weight. Hey, you haven't been showing up at this thing. Hey, bro, I haven't seen you at the gym lately. Hey, I haven't. You need somebody to notice. And so, of course, if you're spending your time with the Lord and you're in prayer time, like you'll be convicted, grieve the spirit. And also if you're surrounded by people that are just they're gonna notice, call you on your BS. Yeah. That's critically important. Yeah. And it's the folks that continue to isolate and they numb out and then they Drift further and further away, and the farther they drift, the less they're gonna bring somebody in. And then they find theirs themselves in this client's example of like, wait, hold on a second.

Or swear, wait, forget about missing the mark. You miss the entire target. Like you're playing darts and that you there's always those people who are terrible at darts, and they're like, they're hitting the drywall. You're like, bro, what's going on? It's like the dartboard and then a backboard, and you like you're you're right. Yeah. If this thing left and it was not even not a chance. Yeah. And so it's people that are hitting the drywall, there's not somebody next to them being like, Hey dude, your stance is really your stance is bad. You're holding the dart wrong. Yeah. You need somebody to notice those things in you. Otherwise, man, you've got no chance.

Yeah. Right? And you think about the where two or more are gathered, I'm in your midst. Somebody in our Bible said he said, Well, so what does that mean when you're by yourself? And I thought, dude, that's gnarly. It doesn't mean you can't, you know. You've got the Holy Spirit in you. You've got relationship with the Father. But where two or more are gathered. Okay. So when you're by yourself, what's happening? Yeah. What's going on? Yeah. I love that. I I love how I think so it's so important to put these three words together. to sin missing the mark, drifting. and grieving the spirit. Yeah. They're the same thing, just said different ways. And and I think when we start to see those things come into our life, how how do we pull ourselves back into this this forward movement, this momentum?

And I was thinking about like the like three Rs you can call it, right? Remember, repent and and return. Remember, repent and return. And if you think about like why do we need to remember like If we if we're drifting, why do we need to re what do we need to remember? And and what we need to remember is what are we what are we going after? And that's that part where we get pulled back into alignment. And the repentance is f clear clear definition is just you're you're no longer going the wrong course. You're you're turning to a new way. And you're turning to the way that you're that you're meant to go. So that's that's repenting is like turning away and living a new way of living.

and then to to re sorry. So it's when you remember what what you're about, then when you return to sorry. The there's there's three things. it's it's remembering where you where you're going and then repenting. So you're turning from a way of no longer choosing to go, I'm drifting, let me choose a new way of living. And so you're you're doing that. And then that really brings you back into the return, like you're back on track. Yeah. And I think this is a human thing. So like this is evolution of life. This is evolution of everything. We're gonna, we're gonna drift, we're gonna get distracted, but how quickly do we remember what we're about? And then can we say, man, I am not living the lifestyle that I am supposed to?

And that's that that re repenting turns you into this this place of returning to what you're about. And what I love even about that is you're gonna evolve and it's always gonna kinda go like this, but you're you're moving forward with life. And I think these are the human things we're supposed to remember. We're supposed to like repent. We're supposed to return. Yeah. How like how does that hit ya? what it's so it's so good, dude. And you know, Jamie Winship Identity Exchange is his organization, and so we've gone through lots of trainings, Melissa and I both through them and you're making me think of a lot of their frameworks that we've been trained on.

First of all, I think that when we have to repent, which it's funny, repentance is really funny. And I remember learning from Jamie when we were with them and their team in Phoenix about a year ago that people think like repentance is like an apology. Like being like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's like, no, it's not repentance. Repentance is, like you said, it's a turning away from. It's a course correction. Yeah. And then thinking like, then you're a bad person. No, no, you're not. You got off course, get back on course. Yeah. And so, and then learning that it's not the sin, it's not the action, it's what you do after that matters. Mm-hmm.

Of course, you don't want to be sinful and like course correcting all the time, but I I do. Yeah. And instead, it's like, do you Sin, so you fall short, miss the mark, and then you run and hide? Or do you turn back to him? Do you course correct? That's what's most important. And so the one of the frameworks that they have is truth tell, mind change, form change. Which is very similar to your three Rs. Right? And so someone who is missing the mark and they're down 10, 20 years down this timeline of being like, crap, how did I end up at this destination? How did I miss the dartboard? How did I hit the drywall? Like all these things. So somebody that's in that mode, I think the very first thing is on the truth-telling side.

And what does that mean? My buddy Justin, likewise worship, it's on this cup. He always talks about how their very first thing when they're ministering to worship leaders or their families is to get it into the light. Mm. What does mean? It's truth telling. Yeah. What's actually happening? And I think a lot of people are just like hiding from these things. They're not in community. They're continuing to separate. And that's just keeping things in the dark. Yeah. And so bringing it into the light is truth telling. Here's what's going on in my life, bro. This is what's happening. This is where I suck right now. This is where I'm missing the mark right now.

Okay, cool. Yeah. Right? Think of G. I. Joe, right? Notice half the battle. Right? It's like, okay, we got it into the light. And I love the phrase that you can't outdark the light. Like, what does that even mean? It can be a it is so freaking dark. You ever in like one of these dark sky regions like down at Brago Springs where there's like no light pollution? And you just got little mesh, dude. And you're just like you can't outdark the light. Yeah. And so it doesn't matter. Just bring it into the light. So it's truth tell. And then mind change repentance. Yeah. You're like, okay, I need to turn away from this. I need to course correct. I need to do this thing.

And then that leads to form change, like actually living it out, actually doing something different. So back to this client, right, that finds themselves in a place where they didn't intend to land. And it's like 20 years in the making. Yeah. Tell the truth about it. Get it out into the light. Change your mind about it. Like, okay, I need to turn away from I need to repent. I need to turn away from this. Reigniting the passion for the relationship or whatever it is. Yeah. And then you can go in that new direction. Yeah. This might be controversial to some people. So I apologize before I say this, but I do feel that's it's like all belongs to the man's responsibility.

Yeah. and so it's like how the man shows up will will be how the relationship unfolds. Mm-hmm. And and that's that's a scary but good thing. And it's like we need to take ownership. It's how we lead, it's how we show up, that's how we begin, who we choose even. Like it goes from the beginning. And it's like how we're healing will prepare us for our whole future. But I I do feel like it's it's all up to the man and and I think that's a good thing. And then sh she gets to respond over time. But also we gotta hold. We make mistakes. And can we just be honest with that? And can we own it? And I think the you you're saying this truth statement, right?

And I think like that really reveals what is our motive in the moment, because I was just thinking of a of another friend that ha had just like some stuff come up in his life and it and it was so sad what happened. And I know he has so much anger in his heart. And you know what? He has every right to carry that anger because of what happened. And but it's what you do with it. You let that stay in your heart or do you do the work to like move through it? Yeah. And if you don't, you're stuck in that. And That means like your truth isn't really gonna be truth any longer. You're you're manipulating what potential can come from that. And I think that goes into perspective then.

But it's just I just think like when we see the truth, we first have to go, wow, yeah, I am actually a little selfish in this moment. Yeah. I'm letting this define everything rather than let it refine me and let me move through it and go. That's really upsetting. I'm frustrated by that. I'm I'm angry about this. but what am I gonna do with this? Am I gonna let it stay there or am I gonna love beyond it? And I think that's the beauty of life is like, man, when you love beyond hurt, when you love beyond just disappointment, when you love beyond failure, on the other side of that is this anchoring of life that nothing else can ever give. Yeah. You have a choice.

You have a choice. You have a choice. And it's like Yeah, you go through life, you know, you have sucky things that happen. What are you gonna do with it? You're gonna let it you're gonna redeem it through what? Or are you just gonna wallow in it? Yeah. You know? And it's not to say, like you said, like, yeah, you got a right to be angry. Be angry for a bit. And then you gotta pull yourself up and be like, All right, why did I get dealt these cards? This sucks. What am I supposed to do with it? Yeah. We went to a preview of Nick Wojcich. I don't know how to say his last name. The guy with no arms, no legs, you know what I'm talking about. And listening to his story, it's like, man, this guy had a choice to make.

I mean, talk about an uphill battle. I mean, this guy's got no arms, no legs. You know how awkward it was to meet this guy? You ever met someone and greeted them with no arms? I'm like, I just I say hi to him. I shake his hand. No, no hands. Like literally, he just nuzzles up his cheek against you. That's how he greets people. And says hi to them. And he's propped up on a stool. And I'm like, man, this guy had a choice to make. Yeah. His mom had a choice to make. She was encouraged to abort him, you know? And this guy's now impacted like over a billion people. Yeah. Because his mom made a choice. He made a choice. He's like, hey, this is not going to define me.

I'm going to redeem this. Yeah. You know, I'm going to be a light for many. And it's like, We all have a choice. And so the friend that you're talking about, it's like, all right, man, this sucks. We're not gonna like diminish it. I'm not gonna tell you to suck it up or say stupid things like God has a plan. Yeah. That's my I hate that so much. Like God, yeah, we know God has a plan. We just don't know what it is right now. And this is awful. Yeah. So acknowledge that it's awful. And then what are you gonna do with it? Yeah. Yeah. I think that's the biggest thing. Crazy craziest thing, even before we came, I saw I saw his story. Of like how he found his wife.

Nick. Nick's story. Tell me that. Just how like he he what he was at a room, he was called to speak at this like small gathering of twenty people. Okay. And his his future wife was there and he locked eyes with her. And he just he said he just came from a two year journey of like he was with someone that didn't work out. So he was healing for two years and finally was at a place where he's like, you know what? I'm not gonna be looking right now. I'm just gonna focus on ministry and doing what I feel I'm called to. And then that's when she walked in the room and they their their eyes connected and they just felt this like pull to each other. and then the I'll I'll let the everyone else go find the rest of the story because it's beautiful.

But I just think it's so fascinating like how our purpose in life is like we're not supposed to we're supposed to stay on course. If we stay on course. So much of the opportunities of life can come at us, but how easy is it that drift can pull us slightly away enough that we miss all these beautiful opportunities that are just waiting for us because we're distracted, we're overwhelmed, we feel inadequate, we feel underprepared. Like I call it, are you show ready? And like, are you ready to get out on like stage and just take your shirt off and go, I'm confident where I'm at? Yeah. Or are you just Taking off your shirt and saying, I didn't realize how embarrassed I am by being seen fully me.

And I think that's a piece that we have to get more comfortable with is just being seen authentically. And and honestly, that's like the hardest thing about b getting on camera for me was was being seen. Because I'm used to doing it one on one, but like, how do you change that to be something that you can give to the world? And and it's I I can get that one on one with people. I can listen well and give it well. But like now what I have to do is practice this. And as I practice this, it gives me permission to step into more of what I'm called to do. And and this is just one of the little vehicles, but this is a piece that like I'm sensing that like I have to get over.

And how how you get over it is you practice. And a gentleman I worked for, he really helped me kind of break this off of me was perfectionism. And he's like, No, no, this don't make it perfect. We're we don't need to be perfect. We just need to show up. And as we show up, we'll resonate with the people that we're called to at this era. Because let's face it, we're not a Nike. Yeah. We're a small pop gym around the corner. So just be a small pop gym around the corner and just do your best. And as you do, you'll grow and you'll grow into something, but you're here. That's fine. And it's like that's where we're starting and that's fine. And and we get to build upon what we already have.

And and so I just give people permission wherever you find yourself today, I dare you, but I give you permission to step into whatever you're meant to step into. And and like don't care about it being perfect, but I dare you to try it and be consistent with it and go after it. And when you do, so many things come into our life. So many things. It's true, man. And you think about like that as it pertains to the topic of drift. It takes someone so what you just said is so incredibly vulnerable for somebody to do because they're gonna have to suck at it. Yeah. Like you're not gonna be good. Yeah. It's gonna be laughable. Yeah. Same thing goes for drift and acknowledging the drift and thinking about I keep using this client as a reference point, but like if you're in ten or twenty years adrift, you're gonna have to s to face the music.

I don't even know what that even means, but like You're gonna have to be like, hey, I just realized I I'm not, I'm I suck. I suck at this. I've been doing really bad. Yeah. And so to be vulnerable enough and have the audacity to s acknowledge that is the truth telling, is it is bringing to the light, is the uncomfortability. Yep. And then being bad at it. Yeah. Cause you're gonna have to be like, hold on a second. I haven't so I always use the word let I always use the the the thought process of leg day because most people don't like leg day except for you know crazy people. And so it's like, you realize, dude, I've been skipping leg day. And then you have to acknowledge the fact that you've been skipping leg day and that your legs are s skinny as a twig, like mine.

And then you say share that with your spouse, like in this example. And then what do you have to do after? You start doing leg day? You're gonna be great? No, bro. You're gonna be like, crap, I am weak. This hurts. I can't walk. I can really sit on the toilet. Like all those things. Yeah. So whether it's going out to be courageous to do the thing that you feel like the Lord's been getting your attention on, or as it pertains to drift, the acknowledgement, the truth tell, the repentance, right? The truth tell, mind change, form change, form change, getting in doing leg day and being like, Bro, I'm not good at this. My legs hurt really bad. And then continuing to do that thing.

That but that's where the growth comes, right? Yes. Getting behind the camera in your case, like you're talking about. Like, okay, not gonna be good. Just being comfortable. I don't really like it. But, you know, you know, Daniel, who was in here, he was he's like, dude, what's this topic about comfort height toilets? I feel like it applies right now. Yeah. Right. And so I always joke about comfort height toilets linked to hemorrhoids and how Americans have all the hemorrhoids in the in the world, really. Right? Fact check me, I don't know. Right. What is that? What that have to do with anything? It's like, We drift because we just we're like homing beacons.

The comfort is ho a homing beacon. We're following that like that's the easy course. Yeah. But we got to do the hard thing a lot of times so that we can put the muscle on, so that we can grow so we can be better. Yeah. But we are constantly just like avoiding the heat sinking missile of discomfort, being like, No, gonna I don't want to get hit by that. That sucks. I don't know why I use that example, but you know what I'm saying. Yeah. Yeah. And but that's how we drift, man. It is. It's because we're seeking the comfort. It's like I'm gonna go for the chocolate instead of the protein shake, or I'm gonna go for this instead of this, right? And then we're not gonna take our shirt off what you're talking about.

Yeah. Cause we've been drifting away from eating healthy for 10 years and we're like, dude, what happened? And we become we allow our identity to say that's okay. Yeah. When when you get in alignment and you you feel that, it's incredible. And the reason why we can say this and stay convicted in this is because we're with people that are choosing change every single day. Yeah. Choosing the the discomfort every single day. And we're slapped with it back in our face. So it's very easy for us to stay in it. Yeah. Because we're it's being slapped straight back at us. Every day. Every single day. Yep. And so it's easy to embrace the discomfort just because we hear everybody, my gosh, I've let this be in my life.

This long. Yeah. And it's held me back from all of all of these beautiful elements of my life that I was settling for. And this was the piece that was holding me back from my future person. I didn't know that. And I've been choosing this daily. And if I just let that go, this could have been this could have been easier for me to address. Absolutely. Yeah. But we don't. We say, no, this is this is me. You have choice. Do you really want this to be you? Do you really want this life? It's scary at first. I get that. It's lonely at first. I get that. But you're worth it. Yeah. You're worth it. And every time they choose that, wow. Like they come out the other side and go, they're like, I I say this to women more than men because I think women are the hardest critics on themselves.

But when they start to like get after their their health journey, Their husbands, let's just say the married ones specifically, their husbands will always say, Hey, you look beautiful. And they go, no, you're lying to me. But when they get in alignment and their husbands say, Hey, you look beautiful, they go, Damn right, I do. What changed? Massive action towards their identity, towards the value, towards their purpose. And then when they're in that place, they go, Damn right. Because They're living in it and they're seeing it. They're seeing the evolution. They're going, I've been waiting for this, but everything's been like taking this life away from me.

And now I'm choosing it. And I'm choosing to say no. And I'm making my no's really strong. And I don't like to say these no's, but I'm having to say these no's in this season of my life. And every time I do, it's, it's pushed me into the yes of my future. And it's like, this is worth it. This is worth it. And then for us, we're hearing that. Man, I don't I've never felt this good. Man, why did I let that thing hold me back? Like, why, why, why? And then you're like, Yeah, like what what what's inside of me right now that's still holding me back of my future? So it's this like permission, like it should be this dance back and forth of like, if somebody's confessing truth and testimony in front of you, that should give you permission for you too.

Yeah. How I mean, how is it for you when you hear people just tell you truth of their transformation? One of the most humbling things. I think that this profession is so ridiculous because there are so many moments where I feel like I cannot believe I get to do this. Yeah. Why me? Why do I get to have these conversations? And all of us have those moments. I I like to think about the beauty of seeing a musician on stage. Or a professional athlete. I think you and I have talked about this. And you see them, you're like, bro, that was where that person was. They were born to do that. It's just, it's majestic. It's just so good, right? We all have that.

It may not be as overt and public and famous and all that stuff. Who cares about that anyways? It's more so like we've got our sweet spot where we get to do that thing where you're like, I can't believe I get to do this. I cannot believe this is a job. Yeah. It's easy for me, right? We all have that. And so I think acknowledging the fact that that's true, and then what you're talking about, which you and I dance around it constantly, I feel like in every recording, you have to be surrounded by people that desire those things too. Yeah. Not those topics, just more and better. And not because they're capitalists or not because they're just driven for fame, none of that stuff.

It's more so like they know that there's more to give. They know that there's more and better for them. And they know that there's more of them. And so I'm moving from the one talent to the five talent. If you the talent of the per of the parable of talents, look if you don't look it up. But I'm just I'm just constantly on that trajectory. Yeah. Right. And maybe right now I'm a two point four. I don't know. Yeah. But all we have is that process seeking perfection and knowing we never get there. And if we know that, then life is nothing but process and then we die. And so it's just like, shoot, I uncovered something else. Yeah. Doesn't mean you're a bad person.

Doesn't mean you're an idiot. It just means you noticed it now. Cool. Let's do something about it. And if you're surrounded by people that have that mindset, like dude, I'm I am surrounded by exercise freaks right now. I mean, there's these guys are and gals are freaks of nature. They're so strong and they can put themselves through stuff that I feel like a meat grinder to me. Yeah. And I'm working out with them and it's just this is just a regular Tuesday, man. Yeah. It's a regular Saturday morning. Okay. I wouldn't want to do that once in my life, but you're doing it every day. You guys are psychos, right? But they're seeking strength in the areas that I just never thought were possible.

Yeah. They are encouraging me. Like I finished a sim for this race that we were doing last Saturday. And then I saw a dude yesterday. He's like, bro, I just need you to know. It is incredible that you were even able to finish that. Yeah. I know you're feeling like your time wasn't where it was supposed to be. Most people would never even start that or even less finish it. Dude, you finished it. Like that's you should be proud. Yeah. And so those are the people that I'm surrounded with that are like calling me for more and greater in areas of my life where I am less. Yeah. And then I get to do that for people where I live, eat, and breathe certain things like leadership and and identity.

I live, eat and breathe that stuff. Yeah. And so people are like, dude, how do you know this stuff? I'm like, it's not my job. I should be good at it. Yeah. You know, you've got the same thing where you're like, You're helping people in your superpower. Yeah. Because you live, eat and breathe it. And so we've all got strengths and then we've got weaknesses. And we should be we should have people around us that are like, hey bro. Hey dude. I think you you know, you're slipping a little bit in whatever area that is, calling you up and supporting you on a regular Tuesday. How how profound though, I mean, I'm I I just have a different look on the different angle than maybe a lot of people, but when you're talking about you're jumping into Let's just call it like a CrossFit experience where it's like these people are just yoked and they're throwing this like powerhouse weight up.

And like there's for me, I know there's certain movements that I can do that just flare up past injuries I got that quick. And I'm dealing with it for a couple weeks. And so what I know is like, okay, I've learned how to step into those moments and still challenge myself to give my best and and but be wise about. certain like limitations. But that means I'm not going to let those limitations be the end of me. But I know there's a strategy to get there. But am I still standing around these people that are driven by all these by the right things of discomfort and pushing themselves? Am I pushing myself? Because I'm I'm just thinking of anybody like, hey, when you step into like a health journey or a life change jour journey, know your flaws.

It's okay. But are you pressing into them? Yeah. Are you willing to go farther in them? Are you willing to choose to say, I'm showing up when maybe I don't want to? And when you do, you're actually gonna be able to get past a lot of things that maybe you would have just checked out first that's not for me. Well, no, go try it. But be wise in it. Like you are, you know. But again, when you're wise, you you might flare something up. Your back might go out. That's okay. Mine might have gone out last weekend. Yeah. And that that happens, right? Because it's like we do push ourselves, but you're learning. And and also like when I I used to tell people when when I would really push them in their training, I would I would get them to puke sometimes.

Mm-hmm. And sometimes they they're just a person where it's like, Bro, I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to break you because you're you're standing your own way. And then they they like throw up and I'm like, Hey, guess what just happened? You've just increased your threshold of what you can do. And you've just settled pretty far down the road. Mm-hmm. And we need to push you. And this won't be every time, but sometimes you gotta push. Yeah. You reminded me of like so Carlos, who was on a previous episode, you know, he he has several posts that have gone real like really viral. And he had one, it was like a split screen top and bottom. And it was a guy eating chips watching the game, or guy.

Another video of him reading, journaling, like getting stuff done, planning for the next quarter. He got so much hate. And he's like, he's sending it around. He's like, dude, d you know, did I do something wrong or did I was this like in poor taste? Like, no, bro, you struck a nerve. Yeah. Right? The guys are like, but dude, I love football and this is this is part of our culture and all that. And like, dude, and I'm not hating on football. You can watch all the sports you want. This the point he was trying to make was like. Are you, is there a place where you can trade up? And we coach our clients about it all the time. Yeah. Like, are there trading up opportunities here where you say you don't have how many clients tell you they don't have time?

bro, you don't understand, Jeremy. I'm really important. I'm really busy. And then you can look at their schedule, be like, dude, I'm pretty sure you can carve out 30 minutes. Like you're full of crap. Yeah. You know, these are the same people that tell me they don't have time for certain things that are important to their life. And then they talk to me about a show they watched that I've never heard of. And then I look it up, and there's seven seasons. And I'm like, hold on, I'm doing the math. Like, seven times two hours. Time. Holy crap, bro. You've spent like 180 hours watching this stupid show. Yeah. And you're gonna tell me you don't have time.

Yeah. And so I I just think, man, like there are moments where and there's areas where we're phoning it in, creating the drift. And let's just acknowledge it. It's not because you're a bad person. You've let some things go. Yeah. Cool. Now we gotta go puke. We gotta go puke on the right. Yeah. I mean, dude, we did the sim last weekend where I threw my back out, which was hilarious because right before I threw my back out, I was thinking to myself, I'm killing it, bro. I feel so good. And then I was just like, I didn't know my limit because it's been a long time. Yeah. And I found it. Yeah. But I also started smelling something really weird. And I thought it was eggs.

And then I realized it was me. And then I had to Google it later. And this is probably something you already know. I'm sure it's something you already know about. But like I was basically sweating piss. I'd burned through all my carbs and I was burning protein now. And I'm like, and so I'm telling this guy that I'm like, bro, it was so weird. He goes, How cool is it that you you found a new, like you found a new gear, bro? Yeah. You don't want to do that again. But you found a new gear, like you pushed yourself to way past where you've ever pushed yourself before. Yeah. And you think about David Goggins, who's a total kook, right? But he talks about like how you think you're you're at your limit and you're only at forty percent or whatever his made up rule is, right?

There's a lot of truth to it. You think you're like, I can't do anymore. You're like, no, bro, you got a lot more. Yeah. There's a lot more in you. Yeah. This this is I'll probably get some slack on this point too, but You're just trying to piss a lot of people off today. probably. But I I think a lot of programs out there just create strong boys and not real men. Mm-hmm. And that's scary to me. What's that mean? Well, I think we can focus too much on strength and what is true strength. And so we might go towards performance and we get really good at performance because it feels good. It produces a lot of good things and that's a characteristic that we need to carry.

But that's not all. Right. And the other piece that's so important is this vulnerability, is this connectedness with our brotherhood. It's this awareness. it's this formation of identity and where you where are you rooted and established. And I think I think that's a big, big piece in the journey is so much of our rootedness and maybe that could be another one of our our our podcasts is just around what is what rock are or what foundation are you building yourself on? Yeah. So I think that's a really big one. And it's like, man, if you're building your foundation on just image, on just performance, what's that what is that gonna really give you?

Empty, bro. Very empty. It's empty. And you and I have helped really important people and and like They'll tell you that that's not all what it's cracked up to be. And even when we've had success, it's not all that it's cracked up to be. No. Like sometimes like you can build something really incredible, but also if you build it wrong, it's it's just a very hungry animal. It's on sand, bro. And we talked about with Daniel, you know, previous episode. It's that is building everything on sand. I had a friend tell me identity calling assignment. He's like, we get them all mixed up, man. And so a lot of times we think our assignments are identity. And you talk about performance, performance being your identity.

And you think about an athlete that gets cut or somebody that gets injured, it's over. Yeah. And they're like, man, I don't know who I am anymore. I'm like, no, dummy, you're still you. Yeah. That was just a project. Yep. I don't want to be a strong boy. Yeah. I want to be a real man. Right. And it's like, hey, guys out there, like, I hope you can get to a place where like you're done being strong boys and you really want to be a real man. Yeah. Real man knows who he is, doesn't get identity and calling assignment all mixed up. No. Like you're still, you still are you. This is why I hate work life balance. I think it's the stupidest thing ever.

It's like work life integration. Yeah. How do these things work together? I want the lines to be all blurry. I'm who I am at work. I'm who I am at home. I am who my who I am at my community. I'm same guy. Just in different environments. Yeah. Right? So identity of who you are in Christ, calling are your superpowers and then your assignments just a project. And I always call I'm like, dude, they're like, how's the business? I'm like, it's cool project. Got a great project working on right now. Or it's just an experiment. I'm working on an experiment. Why do you use those words? because experiments sometimes they success succeeds, a lot of times they fail though.

Yeah. cool. New one. New experiment. New project. Still me. Yeah. Still superpowers. Just we're just exercising them in a different environment, a different place, different project, different experiment. And so now you can hold them loosely. Yes. And now we're just having fun, bro. Yeah. We're just having a good time. And and I hope everyone understands too. Like we we've all been there though. Like we've all been caught in our identity, caught in these things. But it's like don't settle there. That's still a boy. Yeah. Right? That's what boys do. They get they are identified by these things. That's okay. But move beyond it and become men. Yeah.

When you become the men that you're called to be, you're gonna you're gonna see so much more life waiting for you. That's good. And I think that's my plead to people is like, don't just settle being boys. Grow into the manhood that's waiting for you. That's good. And when you do, there's more waiting for you. There's beauty waiting for you. There's significance. There's so much. And a lot of it is like less. performance on your behalf and more like love and and community and opportunity. And it's just you've settled, brother. Yeah. Don't settle. Don't settle. And it's okay. Pick yourself up. Yeah. Let's let's roll. Well, dude, as we wrap up, as we always try to do, I'm locking my hat over.

As we always try to do at the end of the show, what does yoked mean to you this week? That's great. Yoke to me this week means I I it's it's I've I've been really grinding and so for me it's it's to like pull back a little bit and say, Lord, you know, I wanna be connected to you. so it's pausing a little bit more. I would say this week it's just pausing a little bit more. and I I've I'm in a unique season right now. companies doing the doing its thing. living zoyas, but I'm I'm also in in a couple other endeavors right now. So my time is divided in it and I'm learning how to hold all of them. And it's really beautiful. But it's just new to me.

And so and I have a I have a lot of things on my plate. And it's it's kind of like one of those really fun moments of life. And it's and I'm just I I I keep this in my mantra. This is what's helping me be yoked. in this time is saying, I'm loved, I am love, and and I have margin and I'm ready. And the more that I can stand in that, the more that I can be in this place to to take on these things and keep the mind in the right place and and be available. So how about for you? That's good, man. Yoked for me in this season has been about my speed. And so Over the last couple of months, feeling really convicted about speed. And I don't usually hear like super audibly from the Lord when I'm walking, but this one was like really, really powerful.

And I'm like, what about my speed? Like, what is this? And the speed was in relation to haste. And so I've always worn this badge of honor of like, I'll outwork you, man, three to one. No problem. I mean, it's one of the things my family does best. We know how to work, bro. We can grind. And it's good. But it can be misappropriated and it's misapplied and applied to everything, right? It's like I'm a hammer, everybody's a nail, sort of thing. And so this season for me's been a little slower, and less maniacal. And so it's just like, is this the thing you want me to do? Like what you're talking about is I hear you're holding it all loosely. It's like I've got all these things.

It feels like a lot, and it is. And do I need to figure it all out and how to balance it all? And Jeremy has got this perfect sort of like flow chart calendar calendaring system to how to manage all of them, or is it just like, dude, it's lot. I wonder what this is gonna do. And it's just like you're holding it loosely. And maybe one of these balls I have to drop, or maybe they crack. I don't know. And that's okay. Yeah. I wonder what's gonna happen. And so for me, it's just been a lot of that. And it's been it's cool because it's more fun. Yeah. And I am my best when I am. Having fun. Yeah. Like I've been hearing in the last couple of weeks, like, bro, just be yourself, just have fun.

Doesn't need it's not that heavy. Like we can just goof around. It doesn't have to be perfect. And for the type A people out there, they need to hear it. for the folks that are holding things too loosely, maybe you need to rein it in a little bit. But for me, and it sounds like maybe for you, it's just like, no, I just need to release my grip a little bit. Yeah. And what's really cool about this man is that you can hear more clearly. Because you're I'm not attached to the outcome. Yeah. You know? I just had an incredible, really fun client that I've always enjoyed sign sign on for their entire team. and but I walked into that meeting, usually I'd walk into that meeting like, all right, bro, I got my script, I'm gonna do the thing, we're close.

And the last couple of months it's been like, I don't know what's gonna happen. And so my prayer before meetings like that have always been like. deliberate, but now they're even more so like, hey man, I just I want your heart for them. Yeah. And your heart for them might be like, nah, bro, not signing you on. This is not the right time. Yeah. And even in this meeting, I they wanted to start on Wednesday, a couple of days from now. And I'm like, it sounds like we should start in two weeks. That's not advantageous for me, but my heart for them was like, I want this best executed. And if we do it on Wednesday, this is gonna be really hasty. Yeah.

And they're like, let's push back a week. like, sounds like we should push back two weeks. And so we're scheduled for two weeks from this Wednesday. And so that's been so dope, dude, because it's just like, I don't this n we can have fun and joke around and not it's just not that serious. Yeah. You know? And so this client that I was talking to, their entire team this last week and talking to a gal there, and I think I shared this with you on when we were talking to Daniel. I'm like, hey, if it's gonna be hard no matter what, we might as well have fun. Yeah. If it's gonna be hard work, like dude, if I'm gonna have to puke working out with Jeremy, I should at least be laughing.

Yeah. Cause it's gonna be hard no matter what. I should just we should have fun doing it. Yeah. I can be all stressed out and puke, or I can have fun and still throw up. Right? Yeah. So let's just have a good time. Yeah. It doesn't have to be that heavy. Can we we can be like, dude, my son and I got stuck in traffic for five hours on a thirty five minute drive on Friday. No AC in this old jalopy truck. We just joked and listened to music, man. It's like we're gonna be stuck in this traffic. We might well have a good time. Tell stories. Yeah. So good. It's good, man. Well, dude, you're on you're you are I don't know, permanent guest host, but you're but you're here for for for a long time.

but we should end every podcast with how can people find out more about Zoy? What's Zoe up to right now? Where can they read more about you? That sort of thing, Jeremy. Yeah. thank you. It's you can find me on Instagram. my website right now is Zoysystem dot com. Z O I System dot com. And yeah, it's it's going really good. It ha it's kind of couple different sectors in it. One is like one on one, one's community driven, and then one's more executive teams. And it's the balance of health. And your mindset, your lifestyle, how that influences your mission, your your your career. But it's really attacking the body, attacking the mind, attacking the soul, integrating it all.

So then you're you're available for your mission. Yeah. Love that, bro. Yeah. Incredible dude. Well, as always, we always have a good time chatting. Yes. thanks for joining us on the Yolk Podcast. If this is impactful to you and you think someone needs to hear this, share it with them. Yes. But until next time. See ya. Take care.